I’m not freaking out… Really!

Pretty much the moment after I officially released “Leaving Eva,” I started to FREAK OUT.  The kind of freaking out where you almost need a paper bag and a horse tranquilizer to calm down. 

I wondered: What in the Heck am I doing?!  Who do I think I am? What if nobody reads it?  What if everybody reads it?  My Mom is going to read it and it has the F word in it.  What if it really really really sucks?  What if it doesn’t suck?  Now everyone will know something about me that they didn’t know before!  Why in the world would I do this? What if everyone absolutely HATES it?

I think I paced my bedroom, almost unpublished it, almost threw myself out of the window… then I called someone close to me who’s done this a few times before.  She told me that it was perfectly normal to freak out and that everything was going to be okay. I believed her, I calmed down, and she was right.  Everything was okay.

It was an internal battle to even decide to release my first novel to the world. I thought about just keeping it for myself. I was the only one who had ever laid eyes on the entire manuscript and very few people knew that I even wrote it.  If I had never let it see the light of day, it wouldn’t have mattered.  At least it wouldn’t have mattered to anyone but Me.  When I decided to finish it, to release and share it, I did it because it was something I have always dreamed of doing. There have been numerous unfinished works over the years that I either lost interest in or was too distracted to see through to the end.

But looking back, I don’t think that life had taught me enough about patience or perseverance, until now. And I don’t think that anything I would have written prior to this point in my life, would have reflected the depth or substance that it would have needed to be meaningful, to me.  After all, I’ve only ever written for my own benefit.  I knew that I had to be okay with releasing it because I felt good about it, not necessarily because I was convinced that others would love it. It felt strange to want to share it, but I did.  I loved Eva and in a way, she released me. 

While there are people who have read “Leaving Eva”  and didn’t feel it was for them, there have been others who have read it and it touched them, or it affected them, or it gave them a different perspective. And while it’s not a best seller, and it very well may never be, I have no expectation. With the millions of books in the world, I’m happy every time that one person chooses to read it.  

In two days I will hit “publish” on my second novel, Losing Eva.  This time, there have been a few people who have read it prior to releasing it.  And this time, I feel that it’s not just My book.  It’s Our book.  It belongs to me, Peggy, Kim K, Stacey H, Lisa, Angie, Lara, Rick and Kim, Rogena, Tara, Jeff, and Stacey K.  From the people who helped me with the first novel to the second, this time it’s finished because I’ve had some wonderful friends and family along the way who have supported, encouraged, and advised me along the way.  I’ve been humbled by having so much support on my Facebook page, Twitter account, and my blog~so much more than I ever imagined.

So this time, I’m not freaking out… as much. Reviews will start coming in tomorrow with the start of my blog tour http://wp.me/p3raRE-J3 . And if I said that I wasn’t nervous, I would be lying.  I’m human. I want people to love it, I want it to sell a million copies, I want the reviews to be great.  But if they don’t and they aren’t, then I will be okay with that too. 

I love the story of Eva.  She’s beautiful, strong, flawed, and she’s become someone I am proud of.  If you have the chance to read her, then I hope you will love her too.  ❤


5 thoughts on “I’m not freaking out… Really!

  1. Jennifer, Eva is YOURS. The rest of us have played a part in her because we care about you, the author or you, the person/friend/relative. Don’t freakout too much as both books have been amazing. You are right, not everyone will like and/or love her like we do, but most who stop long enough to read about her will… they will love her, and they will love YOU! I am honored to be a part of this with you, and with Eva. She is a part of all of us who have read Leaving Eva,, and reading Losing Eva will only strengthen that bond. Thank you for taking a chance by following your dream, and most of all, thank you for sharing Eva with us.


    • Thank you so much Rogena! I feel so fortunate to have such wonderful people in my corner. When you lay yourself bare in your writing, it is terrifying. But having such amazing people to teach, ground, encourage, and support you makes it all worth it. Thank you for YOUR support and encouragement. You have taught me so much and have been a dream to work with!
      I do hope that people love Eva as much as I do. She’s been the fulfillment of a dream. I am happy to have the opportunity to share! And you do make her so much better. ❤


  2. Absolutely love this post! I am finding myself in a similar situation anticipating the release of my very first novel in a couple days. I just wanted to thank you for sharing this, because those feelings are extremely real, and extremely intense. Giving the world pieces of you as an author is terrifying, but for those readers that will find that special something in our works, IT IS WORTH IT! 😀

    Congrats can’t wait to read!!!!!!!


    • Thank you so much!! I can’t believe how many wonderful people I’ve met on this journey. I’ve spent a lot of time in my life closed off, and writing has opened my heart and mind.

      I wish you the best with your novel release! I’ll follow you back so that I can follow your journey as well. Supporting one another is one of the best parts of being a part of the writing community!!

      Thank you so much for your wonderful comments. It reaffirms to me how fortunate I am to connect with such amazing people through my writing!! I’m looking forward to following your blog and your writing as well 🙂 🙂 🙂


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