Day 29 Line by Line

I’m just like everyone else… Busy. Full time wife, mom, career woman, part time author, daughter, dogs, blog and the list goes on.

People often ask me how I find time to write. The answer-always and never. I’m always writing in my mind, narrating, or creating. But getting it out and down is a lot more difficult. Sitting down and writing for hours isn’t often a luxury I get. I crave it and often need it, but as with many things I have to schedule it.

In order to harness my creativity in the meantime, I just write a line at a time. I write at red lights, waiting in the doctors office, in the car line at the kids school, in the drive thru at McDonalds, and basically wherever I can seek out a few moments. It can be frustrating when I can’t write a story as quickly as I would like to. But that’s just my life so I accept it because I’m happy that I get to do it at all.

I’ve told stories in my mind ever since I can remember, narrating life as I see it. Now I just try to capture it moment by moment, line by line, breathing life into an idea until it becomes a story. Stepping away from the story and revisiting it in snippets gives me a different perspective. As frustrating as it can be to write that way, I don’t mind.

As with a lot of things in life, writing just takes patience and time.

Line by line.

Day 30 Golden Silence

Let us be silent that we may hear the whispers of the gods.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I’m a short woman and in my experience, short women love to talk. Sometimes it’s the only way the rest of the world knows we are here when we can’t be seen.

And I’m definitely one of those women. I LOVE to talk, as anyone who knows me can attest.

But there is something to be said for sweet beautiful silence. And as much as I love words, sometimes I crave quiet even more.

I drive home from work in complete silence. And when nobody is home, but me, I often sit and revel in the quiet and collect my thoughts.

I have a brain that never stops. The noise in my head can be deafening, so the silence is soothing. Without it, the constant noise would obliterate me.

As I continue the countdown to the Cleveland Author Event, the excitement has the potential to overwhelm me. But as I’m immersed in the nothingness of the quiet, I am able to find myself once again.

Just A Thought

Love this!

anewperspectiveperhaps

I was thinking today that I would rather know someone’s soul than their face and their name. But, if I am lucky to know all three, I will consider myself grateful.

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31 Day Countdown to the CAE…Do I amuse you….?

Only 31 days until the big event! Yesterday, I blogged that I would share something about myself everyday.

I figured I would start the next 31 days off right and come clean, with a confession.

So here it goes… I’m not very funny. If you’ve read any of my books, you would probably have guessed that I’m not very funny. I don’t think about or write things that are funny. But I LOVE to laugh, great big loud belly laughs, and I absolutely adore funny people.

Funny people are a wonderful muse. They’re inspirational and gifted and they just make life better. If I’m lucky, I can squeak out a one liner now and again but that’s about as much as my funny bone surfaces. Funny people remind us that life is worth living and there is a reason for the pain we have to endure.

But I laugh easily and I search for levity in most things. Best of all, I try not to take myself too seriously, which is good because my husband and my youngest son are the comedians of the family. The harder I try, the less funny I am so I don’t expect to make people laugh. But when they do, especially children or funny people, it feels wonderful! I love making my boys laugh, but potty humor is something that I can do well, so I do it often. But I don’t write it.

I write drama, angst, sadness, and pain because it’s what comes naturally and it’s where I can get lost. It’s unlikely that I will purposely ever amuse anyone with my writing, but I’ve learned to never say never.

Little Fish, Big Pond

My first BIG book signing is a month away and I’m totally freaking out, inside.

I’m excited, exhilarated, motivated, but I’m also petrified.
I’ll be at a signing with amazing, best selling authors… and then there will be little old me. I almost feel like I’ll be the ugly duckling or Cinderella before the epic transformation.

As I look back on the last year, I’ve been able to accomplish quite a bit. And a lot of it has absolutely terrified me. I released two books, started a blog, and then launched head first into social media which forced me to expose myself in ways that made me incredibly uncomfortable. I even had my own little solo signing at a lovely Italian restaurant, Spennatos, two months after my first book released.

Now, almost exactly one year after I released my first book, I’ll get to join some talented writers at the Cleveland Author Event. Since it’s my home town, I almost wonder if I magically got in by default 😳. But regardless of how I squeaked in, I’m so excited that I’ll get to be there surrounded by such creativity and talent. The thought of it makes me giddy.

My one tiny hope is that someone comes to my table to see ME too. If not, I’ve already decided that I’m totally stalking the fans of TH Snyder, my lovely table mate. I just hope she doesn’t mind.

In this past year, I’ve been encouraged by how supportive, positive, and wonderful oter authors, bloggers, cover artists, designers, and readers can be. I’ve never asked someone a question to be turned away or scoffed at, for my ignorance. I love the genuine support that everyone gives, even though I have yet to meet many of them in person.

I know I’ll feel like a little fish in a huge body of water. But I’m excited and thrilled because I love getting to write and getting to be a part of it all.

I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember, but it wasn’t until this past year that I was able to share it. Perhaps that has been the most difficult part of it all. I’m not a person that typically worries about what other people think. But when it comes to my writing it’s completely different. Because when I write, I am bare, and I am vulnerable, my soul exposed.

In preparation and anticipation of the CAE, I’ve decided that for the next 30 days, I’m going to blog one thing about myself, every day. I’ll use serious, frivolous, and random topics. I’ll even leave it open to the floor if there are any suggestions for topics.

If you’re at the CAE, please don’t hesitate to come say HI! I’ll be the one fan-girling TH Snyder or photo bombing Tara Sivec. ❤️

A New Perspective, Synopsis, and Website

I self published my first book about a year ago. Leaving Eva.

Life has been so much fun since then, as I’ve been embracing my inner Author. I’ve met so many wonderful authors, bloggers, editors, publicists, graphic designers, and readers. And I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on my writing and how to grow in this craft, where I am still such a newbie. I’ve also just released my website, with the help of the wonderfully creative, prompt, and professional Jennifer Givner at Acapella Cover Design.

http://www.jennifersivec.com/

I’ve read through the synopsis for my books on numerous occasions and the realization hit me that they didn’t describe the stories nearly as well as they could, should, or would. YIKES. As with anything in life… we live and we learn. I’m in process of rewriting the synopsis for both books which I will release as they are finished. I’m thankful that my amazing editor, Rogena Mitchell-Jones pretties up my writing to make it so much better, even when I send her last minute things which she promptly sends back.

This is the new and improved synopsis for Leaving Eva:

On a dark rainy night in the middle of nowhere, Ellie, a young drug addicted mother heartlessly abandons her daughter Eva, by the side of the road. But no matter how hard she tries Ellie, can’t let herself forget her beautiful dark-haired girl. Ellie is haunted by that night, her weakness turning her into someone she never imagined she could be.

When Eva is eventually adopted by Rose and her alcoholic husband, Thomas, she becomes Brynn. She is the daughter Rose always yearned for but Thomas never wanted. Thomas’s love of whiskey combined with his animosity toward Brynn creates a violent whirlwind that turns Brynn’s childhood into a living hell.

Brynn desperately plans her escape from Thomas and the small town that imprisons her. But her plans didn’t include falling in love with Adam, a fiercely loyal and protective boy who loves her with all of his heart. Brynn has to decide if she will trust him enough to bare everything to him, as they struggle toward adulthood, and building a life of their own.

As a grown woman, Brynn moves on to find success, but is unable to truly surrender to happiness. The memories of Thomas, her continued struggle with Rose, and the pain of that dark rainy night continue to haunt her. Brynn must figure out a way to confront her fear or risk losing Adam forever.

Will she be able to move beyond her brokenness to have a normal life with a man who loves her, completely? Or will she allow the selfishness and depravity of others to finally destroy her? In spite of it all, Brynn may not have the ultimate choice as the past eventually seeks her out, in this emotional journey into one woman’s struggle to become whole again.

I am looking forward to releasing my third book this year, with possibly a fourth. I also get to attend my first BIG Author Event with some seriously talented and successful authors. For me, this experience has been comparable to running a marathon, sky-diving for the first time, or learning a new craft. It’s been such an exciting year and I am looking forward to what lies ahead!

Milestones…

My  birthday was yesterday.

My “pretend” birthday anyway. Like many adopted or abandoned children, I don’t have any idea what day I was actually born, although it is the date on my birth certificate. I don’t have a birth story and I don’t know what my first word was. I have often wondered where I was when I took my first step, if I was held and cuddled immediately after I was born, or if my birth parents loved me. I don’t have any recollection of the first bite of food I had, or any pictures of me right after birth, or video tape of any portion of my childhood.

All of these moments and milestones are missing, of which I am reminded on a day like yesterday. The day we actually celebrate my birth. I’ve never been big celebrating my birthdays, though I love celebrating others. Nonetheless, I have come to terms with my birthday and have even come to love and anticipate it.

Though my own childhood milestones are missing and I am quite terrible with remembering dates, I have come to appreciate milestones that I have reached as an adult. The day I got engaged, promoted at work, married in Vegas, and the births of my two children. I’ve had milestones this past year that I didn’t expect which were self-publishing my first book, the birth of my blog, and then releasing my second book.

In 2014, I anticipate the release of my third book, the completion of the “Eva Series,” and then who knows what after that? Someone once told me that life is a marathon and not a sprint. I know that sentiment has been around for quite some time, but for the past couple of years I have been learning to embrace it as one of my absolute truths. While life didn’t start with a perfect beginning for me, I believe that I have chosen the milestones that I’ve been able to reach in my adulthood.

I took a Facebook quiz recently that resulted in telling me that I use both sides of my brain equally. A dreamer, a thinker, a doer, and a romantic… I believe that I am enough of a dreamer to imagine and create, but disciplined enough to anticipate and “do.” All of these qualities challenging me and confusing me as a child, now finally coming together. The life that began so uncertain, now has meaning and direction as I continue to move forward toward Milestones that I am not even aware of, yet.

It’s funny how I often wonder when I will finally “feel like an author.”  With two books, and a third on the way, I still have to pinch myself that what I have fully completed works out there. I don’t even care if they never top any best sellers list. I am just so excited that I got to write them and that there are people out there that have even bothered to read them. I don’t know when I will feel like all of this has been real and that I have been able to accomplish something that I’ve always wanted to do. Will it be when I have released my third book, my fourth, my fifth? Actually completing and then releasing the first book was a huge milestone, one that I have been dreaming of my entire life.

Every year around my birthday I start to wonder what day I was actually born. It could be the difference of a matter of days, or weeks, or even months. I’m guessing that someone had to estimate my age when they found me, and then someone assigned a date of my birth. That someone in this world who was there when I was born, taught me how to walk, talk, eat, and live, is someone that I will never know. There are days when I let myself feel a little sad about that, but most days I just look ahead to what is in front of me.

I’m excited about the prospect of what lies in front me and the milestones that I have yet to reach. Even though with each passing year, I get a little bit older, I know that it won’t matter as long as there are things to look forward to. With each “pretend birthday” there will be exciting things to celebrate… driver’s licenses, graduations, more books to release, grandchildren, and who knows what else? I know that one day I may finally feel like an Author, and I am looking forward to it. But for now, I am just thankful that I get to celebrate more birthdays.

But I am the most thankful for those BIG moments that I get to remember, now, with the people that I love the most.

 

Enjoying the Journey

I often feel as though I’ve had numerous lives because of the journey that I am on.

I’m sure it’s something we all feel when we reach a certain point, everything wrapped up in neat little packages of time: Childhood, High School, College, First Job, Marriage, Children, Second Job etc.

When I was young, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. As I grew older, I simply went down the path that I started, facing a lot of detours along the way, unbeknownst to me that I would end up where I am now.

Through a great deal of hard work, sacrifice, focus, and determination I have this wonderful life that I am so thankful for every day. I get to be a wife, mother, mentor, and writer. I couldn’t have envisioned all of this years ago, even if I tried. But it certainly wasn’t easy to get here. There was an incredible amount of pain, tears, moments of incredible anger and frustration, and endless moments when I simply felt lost. Miraculously, I was able to realize that life goes on and so could I. Whether it was in my career or in life, I somehow came to the realization that life wasn’t about just getting somewhere… it was about enduring and enjoying the journey. It was about stopping and smelling the flowers along the way. It was about enjoying the small victories and the tiny successes. It was about love.

I never imagined in all of dreams, how long and treacherous this journey can be, and I felt unprepared. There have been many moments when I felt like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, travelling a road with strange companions and dangerous enemies while on the path to an unknown destination. Like Dorothy, there was a time when life was simple. But then it became more complicated, the choices bigger, and the stakes higher. Every step taking me somewhere I wasn’t sure that I wanted to go.

Life’s journey isn’t for the faint of heart. Too often, we are quick to give up and throw in the towel. Marriage, job, relationships… If we aren’t “Happy”, we quickly give in. If we aren’t satisfied, we just quit. If we don’t like something, we just move on to the next thing. Instead of being tenacious, working through it, fulfilling our commitments and standing up to the challenges, we throw in the towel. It’s a mentality in life that I don’t understand because it’s not the path that I have even chosen. It’s not that I took the high road, it’s simply that I took the long road because that was the path that seemed to best fit me.

I could never do things the easy or simple way. I’ve been told that time and time again throughout my life. There have been times when that has served me well and others when it has caused an excruciating amount of pain. I didn’t always enjoy the journey but I’ve always grown from it. We are trying to instill some of this is our children, not because we want them to experience pain, but because we want them to grow in life. We want them to enjoy the journey and find their path. And we don’t want them to be faint of heart.

Sometimes that journey is easier and the road isn’t as bumpy. But for some it’s full of twists, turns, and roads that seem downright un crossable. I don’t have any idea what type of journey my boys have ahead of them just as I didn’t know what I had in front of me. I still don’t know what lies ahead of me but for now, the path is peaceful and seems safe.

Tomorrow, that could all change.

I’m regrouping and gathering my strength. I’m refocusing on the things in life that matter most. I’m anticipating what may be out there, but experience has taught me that there is sometimes no way to be prepared. So I’m stopping to smell the flowers, bask in the love, take in the sights, and enjoy this journey for one more day.

“Your journey never ends. Life has a way of changing things in incredible ways.”~Alexander Volkov