30 Day Writing Challenge-What I’d Say to an Ex

I thought about this post a lot and am a day late, but wanted to write it anyway. 

I didn’t date a lot growing up or even as a young adult. I usually had one relationship and then stuck to it until I didn’t any longer. 

I don’t have things that I would say in a public post, to someone specific. But if I had a chance to say anything to anyone I dated, it would be the following:

• I’m happy for the time we had together. It was worthwhile and I appreciate what you brought to my life and I don’t regret it.
• I wasn’t ready for you. I wasn’t an entire person when I was with you and even still struggle to be a good partner. I’m sure that means that I didn’t treat you as well as you deserved. 
• I didn’t understand it until I was much older, but I had commitment issues even at a young age. That affected my ability to care about you.
• Life has turned out exactly how it was meant to and I’m happy for the life I have and hope that you are happy too.

Life is too short to live in regret. I don’t look back and wish I had done things differently, because this path has led me to my two wonderful boys and my husband of nearly thirteen years. 

Could I have made better decisions along the way? Absolutely!

Did I love with all of my heart when I should have? No! 

Have I learned how to be a better person along the way? I hope so.

I don’t lack closure in my life from lost love anymore. There have been opportunities lost and things that should or should not have been said. But, when I look into the big dark eyes of my beautiful boys, I know that the love I have now, is the love I was always meant to. 

30 Day Writing Challenge-Things I Miss

Before I begin, I have to say that I have such mad respect for my fellow writers, JC Wing and AK Lawrence who tackled a very difficult topic yesterday about a family member they dislike. To lay it all out, with so much raw emotion is what beautiful writing is all about. I wimped out and that’s all I’ll say about that, but some serious mad props to both of them for their beauty, strength, and honesty. (Both posts are linked to their names).

Today’s post is about things I miss. 

I don’t miss much in my life. I’m a live-in-the-now kind of girl. I try and enjoy the path that I’m currently on so that it doesn’t pass me by. 

But if I had to choose a few things I would say that I miss the following:

• My grandmother’s hands. They were soft and pretty. When I was little I used to play with her rings, twirling them around her fingers, enjoying her closeness. I used to straighten them up so that they all lined up perfectly, and then would have to re-do it when they turned again. I wear her original wedding band, now. And every morning when I put it on I think of her,  her soft hands, her good heart, and how much I miss having her in my life. 
• The unbridled happiness of my children when they were toddlers. They found joy in everything and had tears for nothing. They had no need to be sad, lonely, or worried. As they grow, I know that fear and unhappiness becomes a part of life, but I miss the days when they had no concerns, upsets, or worries.
• Silence and solitude. My youngest is a lot like me in this way. He likes to be alone for hours on end and always has. I believe that I could go days in silence if I could, without speaking or sound. I miss the quietness that comes with solitude, which may come as a great surprise to many. I do tend to be an extrovert and I also love social interaction. But I also need to recharge and be alone with my thoughts, which doesn’t happen nearly as often as I would like, but I also understand that being needed is a good thing, and I’m not complaining. 

Those would be the three things I miss the most in life. I could also say that I miss being able to eat whatever I want, whenever I want. 😆😆😆

For all of the things I miss, I’ve found many other things that fulfill me. But I don’t think I’ll ever stop missing my Grandma’s hands. 

30 Day Writing Challenge-My Morning Routine

There’s nothing too exciting here, I’m afraid. I’ll lay it out for you as quickly and painlessly as possible. 

• Wake up at 5:30 am because I’ve convinced myself that I’m working out today. 
• Roll back over and the  hit snooze  until 6:10 am
• Check email before I even roll out of bed 
• Shower
• Let the dogs out
• Make sure the Hubby is up
• Make an entire pot of coffee that I won’t drink and might possibly even forget because every single coffee cup lid is missing!😡
• Wake up kiddos
• Let the old dog in because she’s very demanding and won’t stop barking at me until I do
• Wake up my youngest again because he thinks he’s a teenager already and will sleep until noon if I let him 
• Yell for my little dog  to come in the house because he’s probably terrorizing the wildlife in our yard
• Kiss the oldest who is up and dressed
• Threaten to kiss the youngest repeatedly,  until he finally gets out of bed
• Give treats to the dogs for coming in the house 
• Feed and medicate the dogs
• Primp
• Dress
• Leave the house

Whew! Then I start the day whether it be working, writing, or playing. 😊😊😊

30 Day Writing Challenge-My Zodiac Sign

What’s your sign, baby?

I’m a Pisces. 

At least, I think I’m a Pisces, which is what I’ve gone with my entire life. But since I was abandoned I have no idea what the actual day of my birth is. Since Pisces are born between February 19th and March 20th, it’s possible that I may have been born before or after. 

The sign of the fish does seem to describe me in many ways, so maybe the person who chose my birthday did get it right!

My head was reeling at all of the information out there about Pisces. 

Silly me, I thought being a Pisces was simply about being a sensitive and compassionate person, but it’s much more complicated than that. Astrology is all about how planets line up and to what degree, mythology, stars etc. but for this post’s purposes,  we’ll stick with the basics. It is Monday morning after all.

Strengths-Mostly

Weakenesses-Mostly

Likes & Dislikes-Definitely

Mostly, the sign fits, though it doesn’t often cross my mind that I’m who I am because I’m a Pisces. I’m probably more Pisces than  anything else so I guess I’ll keep it. 

What sign are you?

30 Day Writing Challenge-Three Random Songs

Just when I thought I couldn’t love Amazon Prime any more, I discovered Amazon Music, a benefit of Prime. I’m completely in love! 😍 

I’ve already started my Singer/Songwriter playlist as well as a few others. Just as I love books, I also love music, all genres. Here are my three random songs:

1. Out of the Woods-Taylor Swift
2. We Rode in Trucks-Luke Bryan
3. Superman-Rachel Platten

All three are a good representation of my taste in music at random times. Just as easily Eminem, Justin Timberlake, Maroon Five, Ed Sheeran, Gavin Degraw, or my latest obsession, James Bay or Fort Minor could’ve easily popped up. I do love Taylor Swift and have for a while. I have an affinity for the singer/songwriter, male or female, it doesn’t matter. I love the beautiful stories they tell through music, especially the ones who play the guitar. 

I’ll often do playlists for my books and have one for each that I’ve written on Spotify. I love how music speaks to our soul and pushes us to limits we never knew we were capable of. And I love how it connects us to one another, creating moments that are remembered with a few simple notes.

Those three songs don’t have a story behind them, for me. They’re just fun and I enjoy all of them for different reasons. What’s on your playlist?!?

30 Day Writing Challenge-Five Fears

This challenge freaks me out because it’s personal. Five fears … the challenge is about your greatest fears but I don’t know if I can dig quite that deep. We’ll see how far I can go. 

1. I’m with AK Lawrence on two of hers. The first one is snakes. Snakes, rats, mice; basically anything creepy crawly. Even though I live a little rural, I’m a city girl at heart!
2. The second one is the fear that nobody will ever read my books, which is silly because I have wonderful readers. I think this is every author’s fear and that I would’ve be a normal writer if I wasn’t plagued by self-doubt. 
3. My children will hate me. They love me now, but I haven’t made any major mistakes yet. I know that as they get older, I’ll have more opportunities to really mess up and it scares the crap out of me. The what-ifs plague me every day and I worry that one day they won’t let me know them anymore. I remind myself to do my best, love them with my whole heart, and not allow my fear to paralyze me.
4.  Heights. I’m afraid of climbing up and down tall ladders. I don’t mind airplanes or elevators or looking out of windows from tall buildings, but you’ll never catch me sky diving or standing untethered from great heights. 
5. Vulnerability. This is the only deep fear I’ll share here. My writing makes me vulnerable which can be terrifying, but I share it because it’s good for me. I write because it’s healthy, less expensive than therapy, and more effective. I know that sharing my words opens me up and pushed me outside of my comfort zone, but I know that I need to.

I have many other things I’m afraid of but can’t bring myself to share for fear that they’ll come true. This is about as deep as I can get … the question is, what are you afraid of? 

30 Day Writing Challenge-A Quote to Live By

There’s something you should know about me. 

I LOOOOOOVE quotes. I don’t often post or cite them, but I find something soothing and lyrical about those simple bits of wisdom from others. I keep them hidden in my heart for comfort and warmth and pull them out when I need them the most.

I especially love quotes from Ralph Waldo Emerson, Robert Frost, Helen Keller, Dr. Seuss, Maya Angelou, and the list goes on. I used to keep a book of my favorite quotes when I was younger in my  search for inspiration and wisdom, and even nor a quote will stay with me reminding me to be strong, or grateful, or kind. Words have always been one of my  passions and I love reading those of others whether they be poetic, wise, or insightful. 
The quote I love the most, that I carry with me every day is one by Maya Angelou. 

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

I think about it when I want to be angry, ugly, or nasty, and it think about it when I don’t. I don’t always make the right choices but I try. 

I also often think of Ms. Angelou’s words when I think about giving up on writing. 

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.

I remind myself of what it felt like when I stopped any how frustrated I felt with life. 

One of my favorites though not necessarily a quote is the end of Robert Frost’s poem, The Road Not Taken: 

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

This reminds me that every decision in my life takes me down a different road and that every decision makes all the difference.

I hope that I get to make a difference, which is why I’m drawn to both the Maya Angelou and Robert Frost quotes. I wonder why else we would be here unless it’s to matter to someone and to have some type of significance. Even if my contribution is small, these words remind me not to be selfish and that my decisions affect others. 

Even if I only inspire my children, that will truly have made all of the difference for me.

30 Day Writing Challenge-Three Peeves

Peeves … we’ve all got’em and I doubt that mine will be any different than anyone else’s. I’ve found that mine have changed quite a bit over the years. As I get older I have less of them as I mellow out in my old age and gain perspective on what’s important in life. So here are my top three, not necessarily in order. 

1. Negativity. I have a hard time with people who dwell on, point out, and live in negativity. I’m all for a good rant every now and and again, but bitching just to bitch really grates on my nerves. I’m a big fan of finding a solution if there’s a problem. I’m also a big fan of finding the good and letting go of the bad, whether it’s situations, things, or people. Surrounding yourself with negative people and behavior only breeds and encourages more negativity. People who complain and spread negativity make me feel stabby!
2. Mean people. People who enjoy being mean to others because they think they can, completely baffle me. It takes a lot of energy to be mean and not as much to be kind, so I don’t get it. Everyone can probably dig for reasons into their childhood or present life that could give them an excuse to be mean. We’ve all got our demons to fight so there’s no excuse for jerkiness. It’s simple-don’t be an A-hole.
3. Political correctness. We take ourselves waaaaaaay too seriously. We’re worried to say, laugh at, or write the wrong thing for fear that we’ll offend someone. Offending someone has become almost as bad as killing someone these days. Even worse, we can no longer even laugh at ourselves or have a sense of humor about the world, because everything seems to be the end of it. Common sense is no longer the rule, it’s the exception, and people are no longer allowed to think for themselves. If we pray, salute the flag, or wish someone a Merry Christmas, we have to worry if we’ll offend someone. As an Asian-American female in her forties believe me when I tell you that I’ve seen both sides of being PC, and that the world needs to relax and find its sense of humor and pride again. Oy, people. Give it a rest!

So, go and give someone a hug, tell them they look nice, and have a blessed day.

30 Day Writing Challenge-My Commute

My longest commute to work has been an hour and a half while my shortest has been fifteen. Right now, I’m somewhere in between, depending on the day. 

My commute to work typically consists of loud music and lots of mental preparedness as I run through my upcoming day. If I need a good pump-up session, I’ll play songs I can sing to so that I’m nice and awake. Yes, I’m the crazy chick rocking out at 7:00 in the morning to anything from Eminem to Ed Sheeran, my taste in music dependent on my mood. It’s rare that I drive to work in silence, though not unheard of.  

My commute home is typically quiet unless I’m wrapping up my day with phone calls. I like the peace and quiet of my drive home and often need it to unwind and clear my mind, in preparation for a crazy household with three crazy males. Since my sons have learned how to FaceTime me, I find that those drives are typically less quiet as they’ll call me and travel me on the way home, often. Now my rides home tend to be more interactive opposed to the solitude that I’m used to but I don’t mind one bit. 

I know how lucky I am to have people who love me and can’t wait to see me. 

30 Day Writing Challenge-Fruit

I never met fruit that I didn’t like, but I’ve also never met the Durian, also known as stinky fruit. It’s pungent and memorable. I’ve never tried it not do I have any desire to do so. 

The first time I’ve ever even heard of it was on Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmernand it sounded awful. Otherwise, I’m a big fan of all fruit. 
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.