Tag Archive | Brothers

We’re Growing Up

I wondered when it would finally happen and I realize, it’s happening now.

My children are no longer “babies.”

They are growing into young men right before my very eyes which gives me such mixed emotions. While part of me is happy to see them thrive and grow, the other part mourns the loss of the babies I once held in my arms. I can’t believe how quickly the years have already gone, and I anticipate the ones to come will pass with equal swiftness. I am not even remotely ready to be the mother of teenagers, or to have them shun me with the contempt most boys of that age feel for their parents. I’m not ready for them to believe they have surpassed intellectually and in their knowledge of the world. I’m not prepared for them to begin blaming me for my shortcomings as a parent or resenting me for doing too much of one thing, or not enough of another.

I already find that I miss the complete and utter adoration and admiration when in their eyes, I was perfect, amazing, and could do nothing wrong.

I realize the window on my motherly perfection is beginning to close and there is nothing I can do to keep it open. My boys are becoming more savvy in the ways of the world as it becomes bigger for them, day by day. I am happy and excited for their new experiences, but at the same time, I am fearful. Perhaps, less for them and more for myself.

Being a parent was easier when I could hold them in my arms when they cried and their tears would simply disappear simply because I was near them. It was comforting to me when I could soothe their little pains or problems with kisses and hugs, or words of wisdom they would listen to with big eyes and open ears. But as they get older and their problems get bigger I realize their ears won’t always be as open, their problems will get much larger, and I will no longer appear to be as smart as I was when they were two. It’s great for your ego when you have two little people who hang on your every word and think that everything you say is the most important thing in the world. The narcissist in me will definitely miss that!

It makes me sad to anticipate the changes that are before me as a mother and them as brothers. I liked when my kids thought I was fun, smart, and cool. They still feel that way, but I can see the veil slowly starting to lift until I am revealed to be “just mom.” While being a mom to young children is exhausting, it is also incredibly wonderful for your ego. After all, is there ever another time in your life when you are ever so incredibly loved and adored as when your children are young? Sadly, I also see the slow but sure separation between brothers as they find their own friends and interests, and the loss of closeness saddens me. We’ve raised them to look out for one another and I hope they will always find their way back to one another as first friends and as brothers. As the next phase of motherhood is barreling upon me, I find that I am full of trepidation. Will I know what to do? Will I be able to help them with their bigger problems? Will I be as effective and patient? What do I know about ‘boy’ problems? Will they care what I have to say? Will I still be able to guide them into adulthood to be good men?

I know I can’t stop them from growing up and I am excited for this next phase of their lives. The independence and confidence that shines within them is amazing and incredible, and I am proud of all of us for getting them to this point. I look at them and am in awe that a decade ago, they weren’t on the planet, and now here they are bringing happiness to my life every day. While I have such hopes and dreams for them, I can’t wait to find out what theirs will be and how to help them get there.

I’m growing up with them and I can’t wait to continue growing old with them.

 

 

Blog Challenge Day 17-What is your most Proud Moment?

I’ve been racking my brain trying to think of one significant moment where I felt the Most Proud.

It’s difficult to pin point just one. Most of them involve my children, some of them are career related, and some are related to my writing. A lot of these are big, loud, obvious moments when you get to stand up and cheer.

But there was a moment yesterday that was so small, so insignificant, yet so precious. I was standing in a line with my two boys, and I looked down to find that the oldest was bent over tying the shoes of the youngest. The youngest didn’t even ask him to tie his shoes and neither did I. He just looked down and noticed that his little brother’s shoes were untied and that he needed to be taken care of.

To anyone else, it would’ve looked like a normal every day act. To me, it was the culmination of all of those moments when I heard myself say “You’re the oldest, you should always look out for your brother.” And in one innnocent simple act, he let me know that he’s been listening all of his life. I was so proud of him for listening, but mostly I was proud of him because it gave me a glimpse of the person that he is, and who he is going to be. He is a kind, sweet, strong boy who is generous and loving, and I am so proud to be his mother.

I love that I have taught him that, and I tell his sweet brother how lucky he is to have such a wonderful big brother! When I went to check on them before I went to sleep last night I found them lying next to each other in the top bunk.

My oldest’s explanation was that “I got scared” so the youngest climbed up and slept with him. I love that they are growing up, looking out for and taking care of one another and hope it will always be this way.

So far, these are my proudest moments. These boys who I love so much, loving each other.

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