Tag Archive | career

Who I am…

I’ve been struggling to find time to write, lately.

The holidays are upon us and everyone is so busy. The end of the year brings other challenges with work and life, and everything in between. I’ve decked the halls, trimmed the tree, and started my Christmas shopping. And this year, I’m even managing to make peace with some of my demons which has been a feat of Herculean proportions.

It hardly seems as though there is time for much else.

I’ve got two books sitting, waiting, and wondering if I’m ever going to back to them. I’ve got characters with unfinished business, lovers who are wondering if they will ever kiss again, and a little girl trapped in a well with a talking serpent-like creature. All of these plots and ideas for character development are swimming around in my head, and there is no time to attend to any of it.

The frustrating part, is that as I go about my daily life, the writing calls to me. I’ve learned to ignore it, but only temporarily. Part of me fears that it will stop calling me, one day. I fear that I will lose the pull as I once did when I became “too consumed by life” to simply just write.

I know that if I would have continued writing throughout the years, and not stopped, that I would have maintained a better sense of myself. I would have remembered what was important in my life because writing balances me out. It reflects the words into my heart like a mirror, reminding me of who I am, and what I want to be. Perhaps if I had continued to write, the lessons that I had to learn, wouldn’t have been so hard because I wouldn’t have forgotten how to prioritize or who I was to begin with. Instead, I abandoned what I loved and lost a piece of myself in the process…

Part of me is afraid that I will get too caught up in life and I will stop writing again. It’s easy to forgo your passion when there is laundry to do, dinner to cook, homework to oversee, and a full time career. I have a family to love, a house to run, and a wonderfully challenging career. Yet, I still have numerous characters calling out to me, plots to both create and finish, and fictional lovers to reunite.

So who says that I can’t do all of it?

After all, I’m a Wife and Mother, and a vicious multi-tasker. I brush my teeth and read a book at the same time. I kiss my children while I pack their lunches. I Facebook while I stand in the deli line. Most importantly, I know when to STOP multi-tasking and just “Be” in the moment. I’m creative, fearless, tireless, and loving.

The beauty of writing, as an Indie Author, is that I can do it on my own schedule. I don’t have to give up telling a story because life is too busy. I love that I can still be passionate about my family, my career, and writing. I love that I can stay in touch with who I am and also, what I love to do.

Even though I’m having a hard time finding the time to to write, the characters and stories are swimming around in my head. They are growing and evolving, and thankfully my children aren’t starving because I did manage to feed them tonight! I know that there will continue to be days when I feel that I didn’t do enough, or that I’m not enough. I don’t expect that will ever change because there just aren’t enough hours to do it ALL, every day.

I know that being a Wife and Mother means that I can’t always be a writer, and that having a career means that I can’t always do everything. But I think that I am better at recognizing what matters, because I don’t let the moments pass me by. I see them and I recognize them in a way that I never did before. And when I’m lucky, the Wife and Mother in me gets to write the love for her family into her book, and the creativeness within, give me success in my career.

For the first time in my life, I realize that I don’t have to sacrifice being one thing to be another. If I am thankful for the gift of getting to do all of these things, I can do them.

Then I can truly embrace who I am.

Blog Challenge-Day 23 My Dream Job

My Dream Job…

That’s a tough one.

When I was about 8, I was on TV and they asked me what I wanted to be. My answer, earnest and sincere, was that I wanted to be an astronomer. Now,I’ll admit… I was pandering to the cameras. I was answering in response to a News story about my school’s gigantic IMAX Dome where they showed movies about going into space. In reality, I’m just not smart enough to be an astronomer, and I’m sure I knew that even then.

I’ve wanted to be an actress, a singer, a teacher, and a journalist. I think I even wanted to be a bus driver at some point. I definitely wanted to be one of Charlie’s Angels.

I always knew that I wanted to be a writer, even when I didn’t know. I was always drawn to The Story, whether in reality or fantasy. Good or bad. And I have usually liked people, and liked being of service to them, which is why I fit so well in the service industry.

In reality, I really love my life, and love my job. I get to work with amazing, funny, smart people every day. I’m not stuck in an office cubicle, I get to use my brain, fix problems, and teach and develop people, which I’ve also always loved. I’m also a boss, which fits in my nature because I’m naturally bossy (ask anyone whose known me since I was five). So aside from going into space, I’ve gotten to use a lot of my talents for good. I even got to write a book, and have now finished my second book.

I may not have dreamed of the job that I have, but I am fortunate that I love the job that I have and the life that I have. I not going to lie, I would still love to be one of Charlie’s Angels, but I think that ship has sailed.