30 Day Writing Challenge-Ageism

Not too long ago, one of my employees thought that I was the mother of a twenty-something year -old fellow employee of hers. Of course, I balked at the idea until I realized that I AM old enough to be her mother. Gaaaaaah!

In my mind,that twenty-something year-old employee is still me. Then reality sets in and I realize that twenty years have gone by in the blink of an eye. One marriage, two children, two houses, two dogs, and one long and successful career have flown by like a hurricane and I’m twenty years older than when it all began. 

It’s true that I no longer party until the wee hours of the night and that most nights I’m asleep before the evening news has concluded. I can no longer eat whatever I want or lose weight just by thinking about it. I have aches and pains that make me wonder what the hell happened to my body, and I no longer get carded at the bar, on the rare occasion that I’m in one. I’m now the old person at work, the experienced one, and am the senior person in most cases. My kids think that it I’m old and uncool because I don’t know who Fetty Wap is, and I agree with them most days.

I would be lying if I said that getting older didn’t suck sometimes, but I realize that it’s just part of life and I have no choice but to accept it. Fighting it is futile so I embrace my older self, appreciate the wisdom I’ve obtained, and accept that I’m going to have to visit my elliptical a whole helluva lot more than I’ve been. 

Now that I’m no longer the young kid who is up-and-coming, do I ever worry about my place in this world? 

No. 

In many ways, I think think that age is a state of mind. I’ve known seventy year-olds that are like forty-year olds and I’ve known thirty year-olds that remind me of eighty year-olds. When you choose to stop adapting, growing, and learning then you become less useful, less sought-after, and less valuable, no matter how old you are. I think that age matters less than state-of-mind. Does ageism exist in the world? Absolutely! It happens to those who are younger and those who are older and to say it doesn’t exist would be naive. Both think that they know more than the other, but each has something to teach the other. I now know who Fetty Wap is, and my kids learn from their old mom every day. I learn from my younger managers and employees and hopefully in turn, they learn from me. Because we co-exist and appreciate each other, the world is fuller and richer.

I’ve never felt less valuable because of my  age, whether it was to my family, my job, or the world. In many ways, I have so much more to contribute now. I’m wiser, smarter, better organized, more patient, and more intuitive than I’ve ever been. I’m also kinder and better able to let go of things that have hindered me in the past, like toxic people and unnecessary anger. While I no longer have the body of a twenty year old, I am more comfortable in my own skin, yet still willing to improve myself. As with anything in life, age is about perspective and the willingness to have an open heart and an open mind. 

There are times when I wish that I still got carded, but I wouldn’t trade my life now, for any of it. Even though I’m older, I wouldn’t want to learn all of those difficult lessons all over again or struggle through the growing pains. I’ve earned every laugh line and worry line that’s on my face, and I’m stronger for every trial and tribulation that I’ve endured. So, I say to Hell with ageism. Mine will never stop me or define me completely, and if I decide to write another book, get a tattoo, or dye my hair pink when I’m 70, then so be it. The world will just have to be prepared and deal with me! 😊😊😊

Life 101

I’ve spent a big part of my life reflecting.

Whether it’s been about life, people, situations, news, or politics, I love when things get my brain thinking and churning. I’m much like my youngest son who has an inquisitive and curious mind. I’ve always wanted to know the “whys.”

But what I’ve learned about life is that sometimes there just aren’t any answers, and it used to devastate me and make me feel helpless. Questions like,”Why did my niece have a brain tumor when she was fifteen?”,”Why did my dad have to have a major and debilitating stroke at the age of 54?”, “Why did my birth parent’s abandon me when I was a small child?”, or “Why did my good friend have to die of cancer?”  There have been many questions in my life and I’ve just had to learn to let it all go and accept that sometimes there isn’t a good answer.

The alternative option of holding onto it was giving me health issues, filling me with depression, and causing a great deal of anxiety. But when I finally was able to embrace the unknown, I found that I was more at peace with myself and able to accept that for no good reason, life just sucks sometimes. It’s then up to us to figure out how to move on.

I guess that I would categorize myself as a “Student-of-Life,” ever-changing, ever-willing to learn something new, look in the mirror, and have an open mind. With a long career in management and working with people, I’ve also learned how to be a mentor and teacher at the same time. But while I’ve gained experience and knowledge, I don’t think the path of knowledge can ever be complete. The excitement that I get from learning new things and gaining new insights just never gets old.

Part of my learning has involved reading a lot about life lessons. Erma Bombeck’s “If I had to Live My Life Over” is wise and beautiful and I absolutely love it. http://www.kalimunro.com/If_I_Had_My_Life_To_Live_Over.html

42 Life Lessons by Regina Brett is also incredibly thought-provoking and honest. http://unbridledfreedom.com/42-life-lessons-by-regina-brett/

I’m not as prolific, wise, or celebrated as either of those two beautiful women, but along the way I’ve picked up some observations of my own.

• Be Kind. It’s a simple playground truth but not one that many people remember. The funny thing is, it’s not that difficult. Hold the door open for someone,  use “Please” and  “Thank you” every single time,  give someone an unexpected compliment, say something genuinely nice to someone for no reason at all and don’t expect it in return. Be kind simply for the sake of doing it and because you can.
• Stick up for Yourself. Don’t let people walk all over you and don’t allow people to treat you poorly. People will treat you the way you allow them to and you should only expect the best. Have courage and don’t be afraid to tell someone that the way they are treating you is unacceptable and be willing to walk away from them if they don’t get it. Sometimes they’ll come back and sometimes they won’t, but if they can’t treat you well, then do you want them in your life to begin with?
• Laugh at yourself. A lot. Life is short and you’re not perfect. Having a sense of humor about yourself is important and healthy, as long as you’re not being mean about yourself. Often we are our own worse critic but love yourself and don’t take your flaws too seriously. Everyone has them.
• Don’t ever put things before people.  I’ve spent time with people I’ve loved  who were sick or dying and they’ve never said  to me,”I wish I’d had more stuff.” Ever. They’d always wished they had more time with the people they loved. Period.
• It’s not always about YOU. We all like to imagine that the world revolves around us, but… it doesn’t! Sometimes people are on their own journey and are suffering, fighting, divorcing, struggling, sometimes they are sick, or hurt, or angry about something that has nothing to do with you. Stop thinking that it does! We are a world full of narcissists who think that everything is about us when it has nothing to do with us! Sometimes you’re the main character and sometimes your just a footnote and it’s important to be able to identify which one you are and when.
• Be willing to walk away. Not every relationship is meant to last forever. Some are and some aren’t. Some relationships teach us how to be better and some don’t teach us anything at all. Not every person we ever meet is meant to be in our lives for the duration of our lives, but they’re meant to be there for some of it. While letting go is incredibly painful and feels downright impossible, sometimes we don’t have a choice or we need to because the relationship hurts us more than it does anything else for us. The people that love us often hurt us the most and the worst. But that’s because they are fighting their own demons and that is something they have to do alone. All we can do is love them, but loving them doesn’t mean we don’t love ourselves. This means we may have to step away from them in order to survive, whether it’s temporarily or permanently.
• Laugh at fart jokes. This is different obviously than laughing at yourself, but when children hear fart jokes they laugh, out loud, big hearty belly laughs that are honest and true. When we grow up, we don’t laugh at such things anymore, but I think that if we just let ourselves laugh at silly things like fart jokes and we can remember what its like to laugh when we were kids, we would be so much happier.  My kids will genuinely laugh every single time at the word “balls” and when they do, it’s impossible not to laugh with them. Life is too short not to find humor in silly things.
• Be surprised. Let yourself live a life where you can still be surprised. And even if you’re not, pretend that you are. People love surprises and love to surprise others. The joy we give and receive from life’s little surprises is something that just can’t be replaced.
• Listen more than talk. When you listen to your children with all of your attention you’ll notice that when they are talking they’re smiling the entire time (up until a certain age). When you listen well, you’re giving someone the gift of your love and attention which has more value than anything else you can give them.

My list isn’t that long and it’s not complete. I’ve learned so much but have so much more to learn. I love that life is such a beautiful maze of truth and understanding and that everyone gets there a completely different way. And I love that I’ll never get past Life 101 because life is ever-evolving and ever-changing. I love listening to and learning from other people. One of my favorite people to sit and listen to was my GiGi. She would’ve been 100 this year and when she was alive she told the best stories and was such a pleasure to talk to. I’ve thought about her so many times throughout the years and wished I could talk to her and learn from her kindness and experience and I’m always reminded of how much more there is still left to learn.

What have you learned throughout your lifetime? What have you lost and gained? What would you share with the world from your experience if you could? I’d be interested to see your comments here.

Day 27 Old Dog, New Tricks

I LOVE LOVE LOVE learning new things!

I’ve learned so many new things in my lifetime that I’m afraid I’ve forgotten half of it. Learning is exciting, exhilarating, and FUN! I didn’t always feel this way but as I get older I see it as a way of reinventing myself.

Whether it’s learning a new way to parent, put on eyeliner, cook, clean, or write, I love learning just about anything. I don’t want to be the same person in ten years from now and I’m certainly not the same as I was ten years ago. I’ve evolved and grown and I hope that I’m better, smarter, and so much more than I was. Some of my learning has been honed through deep pain, the kind you think will destroy you. The kind of pain that seems endless at the time and changes you infinitely. But most of my learning has been been simply from having an open heart and mind.

I revel in any amount of learning big or small. Even today I got to learn something new in the past couple of days… Spotify. I even made playlists and everything. It was definitely fun! The link for my current work in progress, I Run to You, is below.

I’m not an old dog yet, but I hope that if I ever get to be 80, I’ll still love to learn new things!

A New Perspective, Synopsis, and Website

I self published my first book about a year ago. Leaving Eva.

Life has been so much fun since then, as I’ve been embracing my inner Author. I’ve met so many wonderful authors, bloggers, editors, publicists, graphic designers, and readers. And I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on my writing and how to grow in this craft, where I am still such a newbie. I’ve also just released my website, with the help of the wonderfully creative, prompt, and professional Jennifer Givner at Acapella Cover Design.

http://www.jennifersivec.com/

I’ve read through the synopsis for my books on numerous occasions and the realization hit me that they didn’t describe the stories nearly as well as they could, should, or would. YIKES. As with anything in life… we live and we learn. I’m in process of rewriting the synopsis for both books which I will release as they are finished. I’m thankful that my amazing editor, Rogena Mitchell-Jones pretties up my writing to make it so much better, even when I send her last minute things which she promptly sends back.

This is the new and improved synopsis for Leaving Eva:

On a dark rainy night in the middle of nowhere, Ellie, a young drug addicted mother heartlessly abandons her daughter Eva, by the side of the road. But no matter how hard she tries Ellie, can’t let herself forget her beautiful dark-haired girl. Ellie is haunted by that night, her weakness turning her into someone she never imagined she could be.

When Eva is eventually adopted by Rose and her alcoholic husband, Thomas, she becomes Brynn. She is the daughter Rose always yearned for but Thomas never wanted. Thomas’s love of whiskey combined with his animosity toward Brynn creates a violent whirlwind that turns Brynn’s childhood into a living hell.

Brynn desperately plans her escape from Thomas and the small town that imprisons her. But her plans didn’t include falling in love with Adam, a fiercely loyal and protective boy who loves her with all of his heart. Brynn has to decide if she will trust him enough to bare everything to him, as they struggle toward adulthood, and building a life of their own.

As a grown woman, Brynn moves on to find success, but is unable to truly surrender to happiness. The memories of Thomas, her continued struggle with Rose, and the pain of that dark rainy night continue to haunt her. Brynn must figure out a way to confront her fear or risk losing Adam forever.

Will she be able to move beyond her brokenness to have a normal life with a man who loves her, completely? Or will she allow the selfishness and depravity of others to finally destroy her? In spite of it all, Brynn may not have the ultimate choice as the past eventually seeks her out, in this emotional journey into one woman’s struggle to become whole again.

I am looking forward to releasing my third book this year, with possibly a fourth. I also get to attend my first BIG Author Event with some seriously talented and successful authors. For me, this experience has been comparable to running a marathon, sky-diving for the first time, or learning a new craft. It’s been such an exciting year and I am looking forward to what lies ahead!