Tag Archive | love of writing

Being An Author

I never realized it before but I was an author even long before I had books in print. Instead of writing the stores down, I would just write them in my head, one right after the other. Unable to quiet the noise in my brain, there were often times when I felt like I was losing my mind. But I’ve found that since I’ve been writing, life actually seems clearer without the residual noise that comes from having all of those extra thoughts rolling around.

It’s funny how being an author has changed me. I’m not yet prolific (three books published, one in the editing process, and one about 1/3rd of the way written), or on the NY Times Bestsellers list (A girl can dream…), or even very well-known (Jennifer Sivec… “Never heard of her!”). BUT, I am more at peace with myself than I’ve ever been.

After being alive for (ahem!) several decades, I finally feel as though all of my important pieces have been discovered.

It’s been nearly two years since I’ve published my first book, Leaving Eva. I thought that publishing a book would be like having a birthday. I had the anticipation that I would feel different after reaching this momentous milestone in my life. But after I published Leaving Eva, I didn’t feel like an author right away, at all. Instead, I was almost embarrassed anytime anyone brought it up and I was constantly worried that if they hated my book they would look at me differently (writer neurosis). I wasn’t even sure what being an author would feel like, I was just convinced (like birthdays) it would feel different. I kept waiting for it to hit me and wasn’t sure if I would feel it after my first book  or after my tenth, though I wasn’t even sure I could get to writing two.

Finally, after three books published and another one “on the way” (yes, it’s like giving birth), I FINALLY find myself settling into this new role, realizing it isn’t just a passing whim or just an experiment in life. I realize that writing is here to stay and that I can fit it into my busy life and make it a permanent part of me. I struggled with making that commitment for a while wondering if I would be too busy and if it would eventually end up on the list of things that “just didn’t work out”, in my life.

It’s been challenging rotating roles: wife, mom, full-time career (that I love), and writer. There have been many long days and nights, and moments when I’ve wondered whether I would be able to do it all. But I’m finally figuring out that each role fulfills a different part of me and makes the other one so much better. I’m more fulfilled from the inside, which makes more productive and complete on the outside.

I finally understand what being an author is all about. It’s quite simply about writing, and nothing else. While there are many other things involved in selling books, without the writing there is nothing else. I’ve set some goals for myself this year, to center myself more around the writing in order to become a better writer. They involve blogging, newsletters, and simply writing my books. After all, that is why I became an author, so I could write, which is what I love to do.

Now I wake up and life makes much more sense. And despite the many long days and nights, and constantly juggling roles, I feel utterly fortunate to get to live this busy, far from perfect, but very full-life! And for the first time in my life, I finally feel as though I am what I have always been… an author!

http://www.amazon.com/Jennifer-Sivec/e/B00CA7NN64/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1420987883&sr=8-1

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Being Mom

I never pictured myself being a mom, when I was a young girl. I didn’t think about being one when I was a teenager or even as a young adult in my twenties. I didn’t even know if I wanted to be one when I got married. Being a mom just wasn’t anything I considered, although I knew at some point I would have to figure it out.

The first time I held a baby, the poor thing cried because I was so nervous. It’s not that I didn’t like kids, in fact I loved them. I babysat, was a camp counselor, and spent a lot of time with my niece who was my favorite kid.

But fortunately being a mom got to be a conscious decision, for me. I knew it meant giving up a lot of who I was and the life I was accustomed to. I knew being a mom meant sleepless nights and lifelong commitment to people I didn’t yet know. Then one day, having children became something I wanted more than anything and I’ve never looked back. I LOVE being a mom. It’s fun, exciting, fulfilling, demanding and rewarding. In addition to loving and absolutely adoring them, I really LIKE my kids and I think they LIKE me, as well.

But when I was a younger mom, I forgot one major thing. Me. I was so caught up in the diapers, sleepless nights, and juggling new motherhood, family, and career, I completely and totally lost sight of myself. It’s a common phenomenon and every mom I’ve ever talked to experiences the same thing. After nearly a decade, I’m learning that being Mom doesn’t mean I have to cease being ‘Jen.’ Finally discovering that, makes me unbelievably happy. It’s not that I am not completely in love with my two crazy, beautiful children. But I also want to love and be proud of myself, too.

I’ve been able to find a way to do that through a love and passion, temporarily forgotten. Writing.

Writing has helped me in every aspect of my life, as I feel a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment that I’ve been missing. It’s not that career, family, and motherhood haven’t been enough for me. They’ve been more than enough and to have all of those things in my life make me feel incredibly fortunate and blessed. But from a young age, I was always a writer. And getting to write again, has made having a career, family, and being a mother tremendously sweeter. It has opened my eyes to just how beautiful and fulfilling my life is, and it has made everything better.

While being Mom is without question, the most important role I have ever lived, getting to be ‘Jen the writer’ is a wonderful role as well. As a parent, we put themselves on the back burner, often forgetting ourselves completely. Whether it’s writing, crafting, an hour at the salon, a visit to a coffee shop, or a night out with girlfriends, it’s important we remember who we are and what makes us happy. It means we get to be more content for our children and ultimately, makes us better parents.

I’ve come to the realization that one of the greatest gifts I can give my children, is Me. I’m their protector, encourager, motivator, and teacher. But I’m also the person to teach them that following your path in life means being true to yourself. And even though I have boys, I’m hoping this lesson will sink in when they are fathers or they need to support and encourage their overwhelmed wives.

My life has nearly come full circle from a place I wasn’t happy to be in-a few years ago, to a place I am ecstatic to be in-now. I have everything I love; job, family, life, and my writing. I give myself permission to write and shut out the world, when I want to or even sometimes need to. Not because it’s something I’m able to ‘do’, but because it’s who I am; a dreamer and a story teller. Writing takes me back to my childhood where I was enthralled with myths and fairy tales. It thrills my imagination, excites my soul, and awakens my spirit. It’s the miracle of creating something from nothing, and blending creativity with tenacity, which is ironically how I’ve always regarded motherhood. And through it all, I realize the two go hand in hand.

Now I know now how amazing my life is, being Mom.

Day 29 Line by Line

I’m just like everyone else… Busy. Full time wife, mom, career woman, part time author, daughter, dogs, blog and the list goes on.

People often ask me how I find time to write. The answer-always and never. I’m always writing in my mind, narrating, or creating. But getting it out and down is a lot more difficult. Sitting down and writing for hours isn’t often a luxury I get. I crave it and often need it, but as with many things I have to schedule it.

In order to harness my creativity in the meantime, I just write a line at a time. I write at red lights, waiting in the doctors office, in the car line at the kids school, in the drive thru at McDonalds, and basically wherever I can seek out a few moments. It can be frustrating when I can’t write a story as quickly as I would like to. But that’s just my life so I accept it because I’m happy that I get to do it at all.

I’ve told stories in my mind ever since I can remember, narrating life as I see it. Now I just try to capture it moment by moment, line by line, breathing life into an idea until it becomes a story. Stepping away from the story and revisiting it in snippets gives me a different perspective. As frustrating as it can be to write that way, I don’t mind.

As with a lot of things in life, writing just takes patience and time.

Line by line.

Final Blog Day Challenge-Day 31 Why do I blog?

It took me awhile but I’m finally at the end of my blog challenge journey, and it’s bittersweet. Partially because I’m thinking “what in the hell will I blog about now?” and partially because I’m thinking “what will I GET to blog about now!!”

I started blogging as a way to open up, engage with others, and introduce myself to the world. I’m so thankful for those of you who stick with me and read. I know that I’m not especially funny or insightful, but you haven’t deleted me yet, which I take as a positive sign 🙂

I spent a few good years, closed off and shut down. So mostly I blog to re-open my own mind- to remind myself that it’s okay to share myself with people. When you close off and never share, it becomes a simpler life, but assuredly, a lonely one. The transition back into normal life doesn’t happen organically after you’ve made such an effort to withdrawal. I thought that blogging would help, and it has.

I’ve found through this experience, that I really blog for Me. I write to remember that I’m not perfect and that I am tragically flawed. It reminds me that in my imperfection I can still be beautiful. I write to remind myself of who I am. I write so that I don’t lose myself to the darkness and so I can find the light when I need it. I write so that I can breathe. I’m unbelievably thankful that I get to write, blog, and share and I’m humbled by every like and comment. I am so grateful for the opportunity to share. Every time I blog, I learn or rediscover something I’d forgotten or learn something new. I look forward to the challenge of creating topics on my own to write about but mostly I look forward to sharing them.

I don’t think I will ever be the closed down, isolated person that I was. Everyone struggles in their lives, in their own way. Writing has helped save me. It has given me the gift of self-discovery, has been my saving grace, and has reminded me of who I truly am.