Tag Archive | work

I Run to You~Excerpt

I wanted to share an unedited excerpt from my most recent work, I Run to You. Set to release on July 2nd with a Cover Release on May 31st, this is an exciting project that I’ve been working on for about nine months. Told in first person from the perspective of Alyssa Bennet, I Run to You, is a story of one woman’s quest for self-discovery and love, all while trying to survive the fight of her life.

I Run to You
-Unedited

I didn’t have a ton to move but I knew it wouldn’t all fit in my Ford Focus. To avoid making multiple trips I bribed one of my friends from work, Landon, to help me in exchange for beer. I knew he would be great to help carry some of the bigger items, and he had a truck. He was an easy target as he was one of the nicest guys I had ever met and wouldn’t say ‘no’.
The first time Landon and I ever hung out together, a year or so earlier, we pledged our everlasting friendship.
“You’re the only female I know, who isn’t crazy,” he’d said. “If I even hang out with someone once, the girls I see act like we’re in a committed relationship and they go nuts. It makes no sense.”
“Yes, women are freaks,” I laughed at him, good-naturedly. “Myself, included.”
“No. You’re different. That’s why I like hanging out with you. You’re not clingy, and needy, and all emotional and whacky.” He rolled his eyes, his cute face morphing into sheer goofiness. “We should be friends. Good friends.”
“I agree. We should be friends. And it helps that you are incredibly ugly and I’m not attracted to you in the least,” which was mostly true, mostly. So Landon and I easily became very good friends, with natural chemistry and an easy banter.
He was ridiculously hot with thick brown hair, dark brown eyes, and a perfect athletic body. Even though he was fun and we spent numerous hours together, Tom and I were dating and neither Landon nor I believed in cheating, ever. I felt completely at ease with him from the moment I first met him, which was unusual for me. We even spent a lot of sober time together, when one of us wasn’t working or at school.
Tom never cared because he slept mostly during the day but I was always up and moving like most of the world, unable to sleep during daylight hours.
Landon jokingly called himself my “stand-in boyfriend” and I was his “substitute girlfriend”, since he never seemed to hang out with a girl for more than one night. But we knew where we drew the line. Besides Anna, he was someone I could count on and feel comfortable around.
Nobody understood how we could only be good friends without hooking up. His nickname for me didn’t help matters. No matter how many times I protested, he refused to acknowledge how dirty “Kitten” sounded, and eventually I gave up. I found a little secret pleasure in the fact that he had a nickname for me, at all. In the years that Tom and I were together, there were no terms of endearment for either of us. We were simply “Tom and Alyssa.”
I knew that Landon was painfully attractive, I had eyes after all. He was definitely a 10 where I was more like a 7. I knew a 7 and a 10 could only be friends and I was perfectly fine with that. With that to consider, and the fact I technically had a boyfriend when I met Landon, I never thought of us any other way. I liked being his friend. He was funny and brought out what little bit of funny I kept buried deep inside.

A Beach Calls…

I need a vacation.

Wait… I NEED a vacation.

No, wait… I NEED a VACATION!!!!!

The last time I went away was to NYC with the crazy, fun women in my family. It was a blast, but it was during a difficult time in my life. My mind was mostly in Manhatten, but never too far from where I was trying to escape. That’s the funny thing about “getting away.” When you’re on a vacation, you never can truly get away from yourself, or the things that plague you. They always seem to find you no matter where you are.

But as life ebbs and flows, and that time has now passed… I realize that it’s been awhile since I’ve had a proper vacation. I need the kind of vacation where I can close my eyes, clear my mind, lie in the sun, and listen to the sound of crashing waves for about six hours. Normally I would be concerned about the fact that I’m even close to being swimsuit-worthy. But I don’t even care about that. I just need some blue sky and some clear water, with zero obligations, even just for a day.

Or two.

It’s been a long time. Too long to have escaped the grind of daily life and adult responsibilities. I watch my children play sometimes and I love how carefree and relaxed they get to be. There is nothing in the world that they need to be concerned about… at least, not yet. I know that they are lucky. A lot of children have adult concerns when they shouldn’t. But children should just be kids-happy and free. They shouldn’t be burdened by the heaviness a lifetime weighs upon us.

I remember the days when I had no one to worry about, but me. They went so fast without me even realizing it. And now I am a grown up with adult problems and responsibilities. I’m a mother, wife, boss, writer, and daughter. Finding the time to clear my mind is difficult because it’s always racing from one role or thought, directly to the next. But that is who I am. I’ve never been able to relax. I’ve always been a high energy, high strung, multiple hat-wearing kind of girl.

As ironic as it may seem, I do find my zen in my family. They are my beach in many ways. They calm and center me almost as much as I imagine the waves of the bluest ocean, would do. They also toss me around like those waves, but I love every wonderful moment of it. I feel so amazingly fortunate to have to have my husband and children. I wouldn’t trade them for anything. Their presence gives me purpose and peace.

I also find peace in writing. In telling a story, or blogging, or imagining an idea. I love the entire process of creating something out of nothing. It calms my mind and cleans out the dust in the corners in ways that I don’t understand. But being at peace is one thing, while relaxing completely, is another.

Truth be told, I would love to learn exactly how to relax. My entire life, I’ve never been able to. I know that is what a beach and the sound of crashing waves would do for me right now. I know that I deserve it, I’ve worked hard for it, and I need it. I’ve been hearing a beach call my name for many months now. It’s beckoning me to sit by her blue water, dig my feet into her soft warm sand, and do nothing but breathe.

Breathe.

So, until I get there, I’m going to take a moment every day to imagine the sun on my face. I’m going to imagine that feeling you get after a full day of warm, sweet nothingness. And I’m going to wish myself there, very soon.

Very, very soon.